Ocean's Twelve
by kaIshekk
Summary: Oishi gets hit by a bus and is hospitalized. The regulars discover that Oishi knows too much and take drastic measures e.g. assassination to silence him. Sequel to Ocean’s Eleven though you don’t need to read that first.
1. Chapter 1

**Ocean's Twelve**

Summary: Oishi gets hit by a bus and is hospitalized. The regulars discover that Oishi knows too much and take drastic measures e.g. assassination to silence him. Sequel to Ocean's Eleven though you don't need to read that first. Still, it would really help if you did, because this is sort of a parody of Ocean's Eleven. (Not the movie. My fic.)

Disclaimer: I don't own PoT. How can I? My Japanese sucks.

* * *

Oishi Syuichiroh, one of the unluckiest people in the world, was on his way to meet his friends from the tennis club for a celebratory dinner on one especially beautiful evening. He looked up into the sky and sighed. The world was so beautiful, he was glad to be alive in it. 

He never saw the bus coming straight at him.

- - - -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - -

"I'm hungry," Momo complained, having waited for more than an hour with the other regulars for Oishi but to no avail.

"He must have let his guard down…" Tezuka was saying when his cell phone rang. Tezuka answered it and turned all pale. He didn't even notice that Fuji was putting sticks into his hair for fun.

"Okay. We will be there in a moment," Tezuka hung up and looked at his teammates, all of them eager to know what had happened.

"Oishi is hit by a bus. He is now in the hospital."

Echizen Ryoma had to bite his lip very hard to hold back his tears when he saw his senpai unconscious in the hospital bed. An operation would require a lot of money. A modest family like Oishi's would not be able to produce so much money. They would need to rob a bank to get that much money in time.

Tezuka turned to his teammates, his tone emotionless and serious. "We must have a meeting in the club room. Now."

Ryoma was secretly touched. His buchou rarely showed affection for any of his club members, but when one of them was in trouble, he would willingly sacrifice his bright future to rob a bank to help him. Ryoma decided that he wanted to be a good captain just like Tezuka when he grew up.

When he reached the club room, Ryoma noticed that Tezuka had not only asked the regulars to come but also the freshmen trio and even Sakuno and Tomoka. It must be a pretty complicated bank-robbing plan to require the cooperation of so many people.

"Good, everyone is here. We can begin the meeting now," Tezuka said, standing in front of the clubroom whiteboard. They have all decided that a whiteboard was a useful thing to have in a clubroom after their previous bank-robbing experience, so they got themselves an even bigger one.

"Buchou, so what's our plan?" Momo said excitedly, currently in love with the word "buchou" .

"Yes, I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into life…" Tezuka said, tears streaming down his face.

"Stop being OOC!" Everyone screamed and threw things at Tezuka.

"Yes, as I just said, Oishi is in hospital now. We need a plan, so we can follow it without letting our guard down." Tezuka wrote down the word "PLAN" on the whiteboard.

Ryoma asked, "Are we robbing the bank across our school to attain the money for his operation again?"

"No," Inui took out a giant map, still hot as it had just came out of the printer, "this time our target is the hospital."

Ryoma asked, confused, "But can we get a lot of money in the hospital?"

"No, we are not after money this time. Oishi is not so seriously injured, he will live for some time," Inui said with a creepy smile.

"Then why…" Ryoma began, but was interrupted by Tezuka.

"Echizen, our goal this time is to assassinate Oishi."

Even Ryoma, who was relatively calmer than other boys his age, was shocked at this sudden statement that had come from his serious, righteous buchou. He was expecting someone to protest, but to his surprise no one did, not even Momo who loved protesting, Kaidoh who would never kill anyone, and the other five freshmen. Everyone looked quite composed and determined, as if they didn't find anything wrong with what Tezuka just proposed to do.

"This is probably a dream. Or maybe they are aliens masquerading as my teammates. Calm down, Ryoma, you must find your real captain." Ryoma told himself.

"Well, actually, this is what happened," Fuji explained to him, "When Tezuka picked up the phone, the nurse had said, 'Is this Mr. Tezuka who despises carrots?' And…"

"Don't tell him!" Tezuka barked at Fuji.

"Yes, as you can see, Tezuka hates it when others find out that he despises carrots, so…" Fuji went on with a smile.

"I said, don't tell him!" Tezuka's face turned as red as Eiji's hair. Even redder.

"So, we asked the nurse in the hospital, and we discovered that Oishi cares a lot about everyone, so he kept a small notebook about the habits of all his teammates, which is where the nurse discovered that Tezuka despises carrots. She also discovered that Inui likes to sleep naked, Momo's nickname in elementary school was 'little strawberry', and that Horio once peed in the school swimming pool…"

"Don't tell!" Horio turned as red as his captain did.

"You did?" Eiji asked in surprise, "I'm never swimming there again!"

"That's disgusting," Tomoka said, moving her chair away from Horio's.

Ryoma sighed and put in, "But guys, what does Oishi-senpai's caring about us have to do with our killing him?"

"Don't you understand, Echizen? These secrets must not be known to others. Oishi is too dangerous, so we can't let him live. It will be harder to attack him at his home, so we are going to kill him while he is still in the hospital," Inui explained calmly.

Ryoma was astounded. He thought that everyone was good friends, and now they were actually talking about killing a teammate just because he knew too much!

He turned to Katsuo and Kachiroh, searching for some support, "Don't you guys respect Oishi-senpai? Don't you guys think it's crazy to assassinate him?"

"He had a photo of me and Kachiroh kissing, and we don't want others to see it, so…" Katsuo stuttered.

"What, you two are going out? That's-" Ryoma paused, "-not that it's totally unexpected though…

Kachiroh cried earnestly, "No, it was an accident!"

"Whatever," Ryoma rolled his eyes, "but still… Kikumaru-senpai, don't you think that it's crazy to kill Oishi-senpai? He's your doubles partner!"

"I know. But that makes him extra dangerous… he had a far larger amount of my secrets than any other people's…" Eiji said tearfully from his corner.

"But this is still just too ridiculous!" Ryoma said.

"Echizen," Inui began, "it seems that you wear Yu-gi-oh underwear?"

Eiji said in surprise, "How did Oishi know _that_?"

Ryoma turned a bright shade of green.

"Fine! I'm in!"

* * *

To be continued. Thanks for reading! Reviews are very welcome. I'm sorry if this weren't your idea of a sequel... because this really didn't have much to do with the original. Anyway, I am wishing you all a merry Christmas! (Too early. ) 


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter. This is going to be about five chapters long... anyway, thanks for reading!

* * *

"And now for the plan," Tezuka said, pointing at the whiteboard with a marker, "According to Inui's map of the hospital, Oishi's room is on the fifth floor. We may meet many obstacles on our way in, so we must be fully prepared. If we get caught killing someone, it will mean an even longer sentence in jail than when we robbed a bank."

"Why will there be obstacles?" Ryoma queried, "It's a _hospital_! Anyone can just walk into a hospital!"

"Hospitals at night are very different from hospitals in the day. It's already past visiting hours now, so…" Inui began.

Kaidoh, who was afraid of the dark, asked timidly, "Do we have to go now? Can't we wait until tomorrow?"

"You know, the longer Oishi lives, the higher the percentage of your secrets being discovered," Inui said with a frightening smile.

"Oh," Kaidoh said and shut up.

Inui went on, "According to my data, all the doctors and nurses have been trained in this hospital. If unidentified persons try to get into the hospital rooms after visitation, they will give them hell." He circled several locations on the map with a black marker. "There are four entrances, here, here, here and here. The safest one will be the small door to the emergency rooms. We will choose a few who are more skilled in fighting and they will all take this door, while the others will distract the doctors, nurses and security people."

"Wait, this sounds like we are fighting dangerous hospital staff. They can't be that dangerous, we can just make up some excuses or something to get in," Ryoma pointed out.

"You are underestimating the hospital staff, Echizen," Inui shook his head, "they will do anything to protect the hospital, and they have powerful weapons, like those needles you get shots with, and surgery knives. Besides, in this particular hospital, the corpses all come alive at night. I have no idea why."

"What kind of hospital is this?" Everyone sweatdropped. Sweatdropping had become one of the techniques everyone acquired after joining the tennis club for some time. They were so good at sweatdropping that they could sweatdrop three times in one second.

"Um, do I have to go?" Kaidoh said meekly. He didn't want to fight corpses and trained hospital staff.

Momo jeered, "Are you scared, viper?"

"Fshuu… of course not! I just have a stomachache, that's all!"

"200 laps if you don't participate," Tezuka said expressionlessly.

Ryoma felt quite surprised that he could feel respect for his captain even in such a ridiculous situation.

They finally come to a conclusion as to whom they should send as the assassins and who should distract the staff. After they decided on a perfect plan, they took a bus to the hospital, each with a tennis racket in hand. They did not have any knives or guns, and thus had to use their tennis rackets for weapons. After all, tennis rackets _are_ dangerous things.

"Shouldn't we have a group cheer or group hug before we go? It will make such a wonderful and touching scene!" Momo suggested, being the hotheaded youth he was.

"I think if we all yell into the wind, it will also make a wonderful and touching scene," Kaidoh said sentimentally. This was a good time to be sentimental. After all, some of his teammates may become victims of surgery knives pretty soon.

"It will also make a wonderful scene if we all run into the sunset," Fuji said, smiling.

"I think if we all jump into the swimming pool wearing our uniforms, it would make the most wonderful scene ever," Eiji added enthusiastically.

"The kind of scene I like best is the kind with two cars racing on the sidewalk, hitting people and bending street lamps as they did. A woman will be screaming, 'Stop the car! Stop the car!' _That's_ what I call wonderful," Inui said.

"That's beyond the point," Tezuka said.

So the thirteen of them began their assassination without having any wonderful or touching scenes.

"I have a question," Eiji said. "Why is this called _Ocean's Twelve_ when we so obviously have thirteen people?"

"Because this is the sequel to _Ocean's Eleven_," Inui said, "and you are interrupting the story."

So the thirteen of them began their assassination for a second time without having any wonderful or touching scenes.

It was a dark night with the moon high in the sky. The parking lot outside the hospital was quiet. The silence, however, was soon broken by a row of heads suddenly appearing above the walls surrounding the parking lot.

"Please distract the security guard," Tezuka instructed Sakuno and Tomoka.

The two little girls happily went towards the security guard who was hanging around the parking lot with nothing to do.

Sakuno said shyly, holding out a digital camera, "Um, sorry, can you please take a picture for me and my friend? Please?"

"Hmm, of course," the security guard, Mr. Imai, smiled and took the camera. No way he was going to turn two such cute girls down. He was all ready to take the picture when Tomoka cried, "Wait, wait! Is my hair okay? The wind's probably messed it up."

Sakuno studied her friend's hairdo thoughtfully, "I think you look great, Tomoka!"

Checking herself in a little hand mirror, Tomoka asked anxiously, "Do you think my right ponytail is a little bit higher than my left one?"

Sakuno paused in careful scrutiny and said, "Well, just a little. I'll fix it for you!"

Mr. Imai watched the two girls, feeling extremely perverted. But they were so cute, he just couldn't resist watching them…

Therefore, he did not see the regulars pass behind him and disappearing into the hospital.

"Can you please take another one for us please? My face is much too big in this one!"

"Why are your eyes always closed in the pictures? Come on, let's take another picture!"

Mr. Imai grinned indulgently and took picture after picture for them. He found himself smiling idiotically as he returned to his post after the girls thanked him and left.

Cute, they are much too cute, he told himself. He then told himself to stop, feeling slightly embarrassed for being so infatuated with two little girls. Why, they were so young they could be his daughters…

Then he looked at his watch and discovered that it was midnight. It suddenly occurred to him that it was weird for two girls as young as they were to take pictures -in front of a hospital too- at midnight. But the girls were nowhere in sight.

* * *

To be continued. Thanks for reading! I am currently in love with Shirota Yu's voice. Not him, just his voice. But this really isn't the point at all... reviews are very welcome! 


	3. Chapter 3

Inui had picked five people he judged best suited to go on the mission to assassinate Oishi. The five were Tezuka (obviously, since he was the captain), Kaidoh because he was always so hardworking, Eiji because he was fast and had good eyes, Momo because it would be no fun without him, and of course, Ryoma, because he was the prince of tennis. The rest would also make pretty good assassins, especially Fuji, but Inui thought that they would come in handy when it came to distracting hospital staff, so they stayed outside while the chosen ones went in.

Many of the lights were off in the hospital, probably to save electricity. Only a few shone in the hall, giving the place an eerie atmosphere. Not a single person was in sight. It was pretty weird for a hospital, but quite good for the killers.

"According to the map, we will have to find the stairs at…" Tezuka began muttering. Naturally he was the one who had the map.

"Wow, this place is pretty dark," Momo commented. "I wonder if there are ghosts…"

Kaidoh turned green.

"You have no guts," Momo told him.

"You have no brains," Kaidoh retorted. They were well on their way to another fight when they were stopped by Eiji, who was motioning them to stay silent with a finger on his lips.

"Be quiet," Eiji whispered.

"Sorry," Kaidoh murmured embarrassedly.

"Yeah, Eiji-senpai's right, we ought to be quiet and look out for possible danger," Momo said softly.

"No, actually it was because I'm listening to my MP3 player, and I can't hear a thing with you guys yelling in the background," Eiji explained.

"Senpai! This is not the time to listen to your MP3 player!" The two shouted in unison, unaware that they were attracting their first group of enemies…

"Buchou, I need to go to the restroom," Kaidoh whispered. He was having a serious stomachache.

"Really, viper, you have no guts," Momo smirked in hope of starting another fight, but Kaidoh was holding his stomach in pain and had no intention of satisfying him.

Ryoma pointed out, "What does going to the restroom have to do with his having no guts?"

"Good point," Momo agreed and stopped trying to get Kaidoh to fight him.

Kaidoh sighed. Ryoma was right as always. It took even more guts to go to the restroom alone than hang around with his teammates. He did not really want to leave, it was much safer staying with his captain, and even though Momoshiro was an idiot, he was still company… but his stomach hurt so.

"Go then, Kaidoh," Tezuka nodded his approval, "we'll wait here for you to return."

But Kaidoh never returned.

The others did not have much time to worry about Kaidoh because a few minutes after Kaidoh had disappeared, a huge group of doctors and nurses appeared, holding needles and surgery knives, ready to wage war. There were at least fifty of them, and the regulars were soon surrounded.

One of the doctors declared, "You cannot pass!"

Momo rubbed his hands together happily, "Fine, let's fight!"

Eiji asked, "Um, we are in a hurry, can you guys just let us pass?" He thought that as long as he was polite there was no reason why the doctors wouldn't oblige.

They didn't oblige, however. Instead, they all drew out their weapons and formed a large circle in synch.

"They have a formation!" Ryoma said in surprise. "We must be careful!"

"So what if they have a formation? We can have one too!" Momo cried, not wanting to be defeated. "Though the only kind of formation I know is the x-shaped one our class used last month in our cheerleading contest…"

"That's useless," Ryoma said. "_Our_ class used a star-shaped formation!"

"These can't be good formations," Eiji pointed out, "we should totally use the Australian Formation!"

"And how are we supposed to fight in that formation? Besides, we have four people," Momo retorted.

"These people can't even cooperate with each other," one of the nurses commented. "We nurses are so perfectly synched that we are practically sisters. Aren't we? No one can make us fight with each other!"

"I have the newest cosmetics here. I will only give it to the prettiest nurse," Ryoma said, holding out a bag of cosmetics calmly.

"Waaah! I want it!"

"No, it's mine! I'm the prettiest!"

"You are ugly! _I'm_ the prettiest!"

"Go away or I'll cry!"

And the nurses started fighting between themselves, completely forgetting about the intruders. Even Eiji joined in the fight in hopes of obtaining the cosmetics so he could take them home to his sisters.

"These nurses are hopeless," a doctor said, "but we are different! Let's crush them!"

And all the doctors came rushing at the regulars, wielding their shiny weapons.

"They are really well organized," Tezuka said admiringly, secretly hoping that his team could be this organized as well.

"We don't need organization anyway since we'll still win!" Momo declared, and pulled out his racket. Everyone was soon fighting in earnest. The doctors had knives, yes, but the Seigaku members had rackets, and everyone knows that in the Tenipuri universe rackets are far stronger than knives -if you use them the right way, you could destroy the earth- so the doctors were defeated pretty quickly. They were all dusting off their hands and kicking the bodies aside when a walking corpse -or you can call it a talking zombie, he was both- suddenly leaped out, pointed one of his knives at Tezuka and yelled, "Let's have a one-on-one combat!"

Before Tezuka could reply, he added, "Let's have a one-on-one combat of rock, paper, scissors!"

"That's lame," Ryoma commented.

"Okay, let's have a real sword fight then!" The zombie declared, and he sailed towards Tezuka, a knife in each hand. He also had one knife in his mouth, in attempt to imitate Zoro from One Piece. (1)

"Tezuka buchou, watch out…" Momo began, but as the zombie landed on the floor in perfect stance, he discovered that Tezuka was completely unharmed, while Eiji was lying motionlessly on the ground instead.

"You were way off target. Don't let your guard down," Tezuka told the zombie.

"Hey, senpai, are you dead? Do you have hemorrhoid?" Momo shouted, kicking Eiji on the head.

"That is no way to treat your teammate!" Ryoma complained aside.

"Okay, who's next?" The zombie was not finished yet.

"I'll take you one-on-one!" Momo, who loved fighting, cried enthusiastically.

"Fine, DIE!" The zombie whooped and swung his knife at Momo.

"AAAAAHHHH!"Momo died right away.

"No way, you can't die!" Eiji sat up and crawled over to Momo, shaking him, "If you die, we will lose a lot of readers! It's like, if Killua in HunterxHunter (2) dies, 3/4 of the readers will not read the comic anymore."

Momo asked skeptically, "Am I that popular?"

"Well, the importance of you inside PoT is like the importance of Ooi Takeshi in Death note (3)," Eiji explained to him.

Momo cried, "Who the heck is Ooi Takeshi? Do you mean that I'm of no importance at all?"

"Also, it's like the importance of me inside Gintama," Eiji continued.

"You are not even inside Gintama!"

As the two were discussing the importance of Momo inside the manga PoT, the zombie came charging at them with his knife…

* * *

...To be continued... 

Thanks for reading. I will be very happy if you review!

Translating is so hard. The more I read this the more I think I like the Chinese version better. (Sad)

(1)Zoro from One Piece: A guy who has green hair and goes around with three swords. He has one in each hand and one in his mouth, which is disgusting but it doesn't matter because he is Zoro. I want to get married to him.

(2)Killua in HunterXHunter: A cute assassin. Wears purple, like Mizuki.

(3)Ooi Takeshi in Death Note: I'll be surprised if anyone knows him. I don't know how to describe him because, well, I don't know what he's like.


	4. Chapter 4

As the two were discussing the importance of Momo inside the manga PoT, the zombie came charging at them with his knife…

Leaping up from the ground, Eiji declared, "Okay, it's my turn to fight him one-on-one this time!"

"Why one-on-one anyway? It will be so much easier if we all take him together," Ryoma, being the practical one, pointed out.

Everyone pondered this and decided that he had a point.

"Wait, that's unfair…" the zombie began, but was chopped into pieces by the killing rackets of the regulars before he could get any further. His various organs flew everywhere.

"Look, Echizen! This is the liver, and this is a lung," Momo knelt down, introducing various body parts to his kouhai, "and this is probably the bladder."

"No, this is the pancreas!" The zombie corrected and jumped up.

"Waaah, it's still alive!" Momo and Ryoma jumped up too in shock.

"It's already bleeding like madness, yet it can still fight," Eiji said with admiration. "What a strong, persistent zombie!"

He did not have much time to sigh out his admiration because the zombie came charging at them with his knives again.

"Don't let your guard down," Tezuka warned his teammates.

"So you really wanna fight, don't you?" Momo yelled in a cowboy-ish fashion, swinging his racket like it were his lasso, "Fine, you are in luck! I wouldn't stoop to fight with you if my cousin hadn't given me an MP3 player for my last birthday. But since he did…"

"You are in luck too! _I _wouldn't stoop to fight with _you_ if I hadn't had beef noodles for lunch the day before I died, but in fact I did, so…" the zombie smirked.

Eiji wondered, "What do MP3 players and beef noodles have to do with anything?"

Ryoma sighed, "Momo-senpai and that zombie have basically the same IQ. Which is, like, 20."

Usually in a movie or a television show, when someone seems to appear a lot or have an extraordinarily amount of lines even though he is not the main character, we can assume that he is going to be eliminated from the challenge or be killed. Yes, don't you think Momo was having quite a lot of lines?

"MOMO! LOOK OUT!"

Ryoma, hearing the terrified screams of his Eiji-senpai, hardly dared open his eyes. When he did, he saw red. He blinked in confusion. The vivid redness of blood was way too frightening.

He could not believe that the blood was coming from his Momo-senpai, his Momo-senpai who always gave him rides to school, bought him lunch and treated him to hamburgers.

"Damn it…" Eiji picked up his racket in attempt to revenge, but even Eiji who prided himself on his speed discovered that he was outrun by a certain fuming freshman.

"TWIST SERVE!"

The zombie was finally completely crushed by Ryoma's furious move, but Momo-senpai, Ryoma's Momo-senpai who would always cheer everyone up by doing stupid things when everybody was down, was also…

He did not even leave a dying message.

"Senpai!" Ryoma screamed, dropping to his knees beside Momo who would never smile at him again, "Wake up, senpai…"

"Echizen, this is war. War is cruel." Tezuka said calmly. "We must not be affected because we have lost an ally, that will be letting our guard down."

"But…" Ryoma cried, unable to believe that his captain was such a cold-blooded, emotionless person.

"Echizen, don't forget, we have a mission to complete."

"But the two thousand dollars that Momo-senpai owe me…" Ryoma cried tearfully.

Eiji comforted him, "Don't worry about the two thousand. Momo owes _me_ four thousand million plus interest!"

Ryoma stared, "Who are you, a juice dealer?"

"We must not let our guard down." Tezuka put in. "Let us complete our mission."

Ryoma realized that even though his captain looked impassive, his eyes were actually slightly wet, and the prince of tennis respected him even more. They all said goodbye to Momoshiro Takeshi, who had sacrificed himself for the dignity of the Seigaku tennis club. Then they left him there on the floor to head towards their target, carrying the hopes of all the tennis club members on their shoulders. They did not look back even once, because brave warriors should not look back.

"Let's take these stairs…AAAHHH!" Eiji was happily bouncing up the stairs when he was suddenly thrown off the stairs by a hidden trap device and landed some fifty meters away. Luckily he played acrobatic tennis, so he was not only completely unharmed but also able to bounce up again within three seconds.

"Senpai, you all right?"

"NO! I'M NOT ALL RIGHT!" Eiji shrieked in reply, running towards them at top speed, as if there were a crazy dog in hot pursuit after him… no, not a dog, probably a cheetah judging from the extraordinary speed.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He yelled at the other two. Tezuka and Ryoma craned their necks to see what was behind him, and finally concluded that it was a ten-ton rolling rock.

"This trap is too outrageous!" Ryoma sweatdropped. He was so good at sweatdropping that he could sweatdrop even when running in full speed from danger. Luckily they reached another set of stairs, and Tezuka snatched him into safety just in time. Eiji followed with a perfect back-flip and landed on the stairs safely too.

"That was crazy…" he gasped, leaning on the handrail in exhaustion, and suddenly screamed again because he got electric shock by touching the handrail.

"Don't let your guard down. There are too many traps," Tezuka said, taking out a flashlight and pointing it upstairs. It was completely dark above.

"It's so dark I can't see a thing." Ryoma muttered. "I wish the lights will come on."

The lights immediately came on. Ryoma was surprised. When he was going to make a wish to become taller than Inui to see if all the wishes he made would come true, a row of silver needles came flying right at them. Eiji quickly dodged all of them with his good eyes and quick reflexes, Tezuka dodged all of them without any trouble because he was Tezuka, and Ryoma did not even move because he was so short that all the needles went flying over his head.

"I wonder whether there are other traps," Ryoma said, peering down the long hallway.

"Kikumaru, check out the hallway for other traps," Tezuka ordered calmly.

"Nya? Why me?"

"You are the fastest," Tezuka explained, even though the real reason was that he didn't want to sacrifice the future pillar of Seigaku or himself.

"Okay," Eiji sighed and headed down the hall, holding his racket in front of himself as a shield, "this is so stupid. If we really want to kill someone we can just bomb the hospital-"

"Kikumaru, if we bomb the hospital we will kill innocent people," Tezuka said, "100 laps for saying that this mission is stupid."

But Eiji did not live to run the hundred laps.

The three jumped over sixteen big pits on the floor, dodged twenty-two large knives that attemted to prick out at them from the walls, killed seventy-three enemies, and passed several other weird traps before finally arriving at the fifth floor, where Oishi's room was located.

"Good, we are almost there," Tezuka nodded, "but we must still not let our guard down. Yudan sezu ni korose! (1)"

Yes, like you all already knew, when someone seems to have an extraordinarily amount of lines even though he is not the main character, we can assume that he is going to be eliminated from the challenge or get killed. Would one notice that Eiji was having quite a lot of lines? No, it was not because the noisy Momo was gone and the other two were usually quiet.

Ryoma was thoroughly touched that his captain could be so serious even when killing people and was growing to respect Tezuka even more when he realized that there were two revolvers pointing at Tezuka and his own head.

Ryoma shuddered, trying to find the right words to express his confusion, "Eiji-senpai, why do you have two guns? No, why do you have guns? No, why are you pointing your guns at us?"

"Sorry, but you can't pass," Eiji whispered with tears in his eyes. "If you come any closer, I'll shoot."

Tezuka frowned in exasperation, "What are you doing, Kikumaru?"

"No matter how dangerous Oishi's data is, he is still my partner. I can't… I can't let you guys kill him…" He said, hands shaking but still pointing accursedly.

"Finally---somebody with a conscience," Ryoma was thinking approvingly, but then he heard a shot and stared as Eiji fell backwards, his eyes deviod of life.

Ryoma again had trouble finding the right words to express his feeling, "Te…Tezuka buchou! Why do you have a gun too? No, I mean, why did you kill him?"

"Echizen, this is war. In a war, we must not be kind to traitors," Tezuka said, still surprisingly calm considering that he had just shot a loyal teammate.

"But…" Ryoma gaped. It was already not right to just leave Momo there, yet it was definitely even more wrong to bust your teammate's head with a gun.

"I know he owed you money too. But money is not the issue here."

"I wasn't trying to talk about money!" Ryoma said in desperation.

"Let's go," Tezuka said without the slightest change of expression. Ryoma, not liking to be left behind, had to shrug and follow. The two set off towards Oishi's room, which wasn't far.

Ryoma sighed and said a prayer for his Eiji-senpai in his mind, "Sorry, senpai, please say hello to Momo-senpai for me if you meet him in heaven or hell. Don't worry about Oishi-senpai, we'll send him after you pretty soon. The three of you can play doubles together. That will be sannin de doubles (2)! YAY!"

Ryoma wasn't sure if his senpais' restless souls would be comforted, but it was the best he could do.

As they drew close to Oishi's room, a sudden group of armed enemies launched attack, catching them both in surprise. Tezuka had only one gun. The enemy had… six or seven.

The hopes and dignity of the whole team depended on them; they could not let them down. Especially when they had already come this far. Ryoma turned to Tezuka in desperation. "Buchou, what do we do now?"

"We fight till the end," Tezuka said, pressing his gun into Ryoma's hand.

Ryoma stared. "Buchou?"

Tezuka picked up his racket and charged forward. As a tennis player, he would believe in his own strength and his racket to the day he died.

Yes, Ryoma thought to himself, if a tennis player could not believe in his own racket, how could he ever succeed?

Therefore, he grasped his own racket and charged forward also. They did not fear guns.

At this moment, they fear nothing.

After a considerable amount of dueling, Ryoma decided to switch his racket to another hand because the one he was using hurt, and when he was doing so from the corner of his eye he saw a bullet flying straight at him. Before he could react or register the fact, a tall, well-built figure had already moved in front of him, shielding him from the bullet.

"Bu…" Ryoma began. Before he could say "chou", Tezuka had crumpled to the floor. Ryoma, who had unfortunately witnessed the death of three senpais, felt utterly wretched and confused. Why, oh why did the ruthless killer captain take a bullet for him? Wasn't that only supposed to happen in sappy melodramatic movies?

"E…chi…zen…" Tezuka gasped out, pressing his wound from which blood was steadily flowing, "You… must…"

"Become the pillar of Seigaku, I know, I know, buchou…" Ryoma sobbed, unable to control his tears of confusion any longer.

What Tezuka really wanted to say was "you must bury my racket with me and stop Fuji from writing strange things on my tombstone,"not "you must become the pillar of Seigaku" at all. It was so hard, so hard to be always righteous, always serious and dignified. Sometimes Tezuka longed to say random things like "where, oh where had my little dog gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?" or maybe "I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad!" just to see how it felt like.

But he would never have a chance to say these things.

The always righteous, serious and dignified brown eyes slowly closed and everything faded into darkness.

Ryoma was the only one left now. He was also the one that had not wanted to come at first, but now all confusion and fear left him. He turned to the enemies, cold determination shimmering in his golden eyes. He would not let his senpais down. He would not let the whole team down. Their future was in his hands.

"ZERO-SHIKI!"

The next thing Ryoma knew was that all his enemies were in a heap on the ground, and he decided that tennis rackets were certainly the best weapon ever.

Oishi's room was right in front of him now. Ryoma had hesitated a few moments ago. Oishi-senpai, the gentle, caring mother of Seigaku--- how could he ever? But in his head he saw the faces of the others waiting for him to come back triumphant, he saw Momo's dying face with the "why me?" expression on it, he saw his captain leaving him his dying message with full trust. He chose to completely forget about Eiji.

He did not hesitate anymore.

"Sorry, Oishi-senpai, here I come."

And he pushed open the door.

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To be continued. Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be the last. Reviews are so welcome:) I somehow can't make the "enter" button work with this computer, so sorry if this A/N is all bunched together. Trisha: YAAY! You actually remembered Ooi Takeshi! He will be very happy to hear this, because I don't think anyone remembers him... terrfomp92: Thanks for the reviews! No, I don't hate Oishi. I know this is hard to believe, but I really don't. In fact, I love him. Yes, I think I'm making this too fast-paced. Maybe it's because this story wasn't meant to be serious... (feels guilty about it) anyway, thanks for being my 100th reviewer!

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(1)Kill without letting your guard down!

(2)Playing doubles with three people.


	5. Chapter 5

Without hesitation, Ryoma opened the door to Oishi's hospital room.

What he saw surprised him very much. If he had found the Gobi desert on the other side of the door or that Oishi had decorated his room with Napoleon posters, he could not have been this surprised.

What he saw was his Oishi-senpai, not in bed and not injured in any way, beaming at him with extreme pride and affection, which was reflected in his green eyes. Instead, the freshmen trio lay groaning on the bed.

"Wha…"

"Congratulations, Echizen! I knew you could do it! Come in, come in!" Oishi patted him on the back, dragging him into the room.

Ryoma stared. "What?" He quickly scanned the room to discover that everyone was there, including Sakuno and Tomoka who were looking at him in loving admiration, Momo and Eiji who had somehow sneaked a television into the hospital room and were playing a World Wrestling Entertainment video game, and even Tezuka, who had been bleeding to death minutes ago but was now quite all right. Ryoma decided that this must be a dream, or maybe everything that had happened previously was a dream.

He finally found his voice. "Can someone explain what is going on here?"

"It's like this," Inui piped up from his corner. "We want to train you to become the future pillar of Seigaku, and we want to test you to see whether you have the required abilities to be a good pillar, which are determination, courage, skill, responsibility and independence. You have passed the test. You will now become the new pillar of Seigaku."

"Ah, it was quite tiring, setting up so many traps," Fuji said from aside, looking very content and not tired at all.

"Nyah Fuji, it's much more tiring dodging your traps!" Eiji grimaced. "Fuji is so mean. You didn't tell me where the traps were… what if you really killed me?"

"Me, mean?" Fuji smiled. "Don't you think Tezuka is meaner? He shot you without the slightest hesitation, didn't he?"

"Yeah, Tezuka is so mean! I know that bullet was a blank, but why did you have to shoot me with a 'the sooner he dies the better, YAY! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE' expression on your face?"

"Because I really thought the sooner you die the better, YAY! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE," Tezuka explained.

Ryoma decided that this captain must be a fake. Calm down, Ryoma, you must find your real captain. The fake captain must have kidnapped him and locked him in a broom closet.

Horio groaned on the bed, "Ryoma, you are mean too… you attacked us with your zero-shiki!"

Ryoma looked at him and had to laugh. "So you were those people with guns?"

"Yes. They let their guard down. They couldn't even aim at me correctly. I had to move to take the bullet myself," Tezuka said solemnly, as if he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. But then again, he probably didn't.

Ryoma didn't really know how to reply to this. He felt strangely betrayed and cheated. Even though they were doing it for his good, Ryoma didn't like to have his affections played with. He wondered whether Tezuka's senpais had given him the same test years ago.

"So, um, this whole thing is fake? Oishi-senpai did not really have a car accident?"

"Yeah," Oishi smiled and sighed. It was no fun at all pretending to be injured. The others could do the planning and join in the action, while he was in bed doing nothing.

"Buchou was not really shot?"

"The paint ruined my clothes," Tezuka said regretfully.

"Eiji-senpai's betrayal was actually a part of the plan?"

"Well, I was supposed to be killed by the flying needles, but my eyes and reflexes were so good that I dodged all of them instinctively…" Eiji said, "and afterwards buchou kept looking at me with his 'DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE' expression, so I…"

"Momo-senpai was just pretending to be dead?"

"Wasn't I a good actor, Echizen? I am so touched that you cried for me!" (Even though it was because of money.)

"Mada mada dane," Ryoma muttered, pulling his cap down to hide his embarrassment, "and so all the doctors and nurses are our own people?"

"None of the hospitals will let us put traps inside, so we borrowed a building from Atobe. A lot of Hyoutei people came over to help us decorate the place and acted as some of your enemies too," Inui said. "They liked our test for you immensely and next month we are going to do it again for their Hiyoshi Wakashi. They want to see whether he had the skills to gekokujou(2) successfully."

"So when Kaidoh-senpai left to go to the restroom, it was also because he was going to set up some traps?"

Everyone turned to look at Ryoma with shocked faces.

"What? Wasn't I right?"

"We forgot all about that viper!" Momo shouted and threw down his PlayStation handlebar. Luckily Kawamura caught it and started to play for him, or his Kurt Angle would have been thrown out by Big Show. (1)

"Well, actually, Echizen, he really did go to the restroom. We have no idea why he hadn't returned," Tezuka said, looking quite composed.

"Perhaps he had gotten lost," Fuji smiled, "I have put quite a lot of traps around the restroom and also some signs pointing in wrong directions."

"Fuji…" Tezuka sighed helplessly.

Oishi was, of course, worried. "We must find him. It's too dangerous to leave him out there."

"If all the enemies are people from Hyoutei, it won't be really dangerous," Ryoma pointed out.

"But even though all the doctors and nurses are people from Hyoutei, the corpses here really do walk around at nights!" Oishi cried in despair. "And there are all those outrageous traps that Fuji set up!"

"Okay, let's go look for him now!" Momo, being the hot-headed one of the group, declared and stood up, racket in hand.

"These are zombies we are talking about…" Kawamura said worriedly, "We have only rackets. Are you sure rackets are good weapons?"

Everyone told him that he was the one who shouldn't worry about rackets not being the best weapon, and to demonstrate their meaning they handed him his racket. Kawamura started burning right off.

"Hey wait, I want to throw Big Show out of the ring first!" Eiji whined, unable to take his eyes off his video game.

"Forget about Big Show, we need to save Kaidoh!" Oishi said, having a stomachache then and there. With his high stomachache rate he would probably really end up in a hospital room someday.

"Yudan sezu ni ikou," Tezuka said to no one in particular.

Ryoma stared at this scene, feeling ridiculous. Sometimes he couldn't help feeling that he must become the pillar of Seigaku. After all, all these senpais were abnormal. What would happen to them if Ryoma had not been around to take care of them and make sure they don't do stupid things?

Ryoma sighed. Even though he would rather die than admit this to anyone, these crazy senpais were, indeed, most important to him after all.

Therefore, he decided that he would become the pillar of Seigaku so he could protect his crazy senpais, and then he picked up his racket and followed the others into the unknown world of the crazy hospital.

**The End. Thank you mysticlegend11 for beta-ing for me!

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(1)Kurt Angle and Big Show: WWE people. They are big and muscled, but then most of the WWE people are.

(2) Gekokujou: Hiyoshi Wakashi's trademark punchline. Means to overthrow.

Thanks for reading this. Reviews are very welcome!

Terrfomp92: Thanks for the reviews! It's good that you two are Oishi and Eiji, you can play doubles together that way.

Shourin: Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you were giggling all the way, because it wasn't supposed to be sad… thank you!

Haziah: Sorry about not letting you choose the ending this time… we can't do it because, as you can see, all the previous four chapters were written especially for this one ending… Thanks for reviewing!


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